Showing posts from 2015

Heliconiums New Year Resolution

Heliconium was at the local dance hall, twisting and shouting until he ripped his pants straight from his belt buckle right around and up to the back of his back buckle.

The disco lights shone down on him all of a sudden, as all the women giggled and laughed in hysteria. He was getting awfully close to a threesome New Years Eve kiss with Martigla and Ungula, the beautiful blond and brunette of the ball respectively, but not even his hands covering the front and back of his pants while doing a little two step could make any magic happen.

Immediately, Grandma Heliconium flung up her old style microphone with the electric cord and wrapped it several times around the dazzling disco ball as she sang "Crazy, crazy nights" by Kiss, The song thus ended, as she swept down from the large stage, and took out her needle and thread.

She flung Heliconium down on the floor and hollered "Start break dancing, remember that routine I showed you at the seniors home when I took an overdos…

Wishing everyone a very Wonderful Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all! Just want to wish everyone on Blogger, and visiting people, a very Merry Christmas!

This year has been a tough year for myself, personally. Losing a father, and another dear family member, made it for me personally a hard year of reflection.

With Part 4 still on the shelf and not in production, was the result of poor sales and a disinterest by the general public for my writings.

For 2016, the New Year awaits, and will not try to predict things as 2015 was one of the worst years I had ever past in my life. But, from these terrible tragedies and sadness in life, it is either we are made more tough or made more braver to face any other tragedy, failure, or any other bad news life may throw at us.

For now, I am thankful, for personal health and the abilities that I do take for granted, and I want to wish happiness and joy for all and those who do have it tough out there.

I think of you this Christmas, only wishing for a better one for all.

Like what I write here? A writer for hire!

Do you got a humor company? Or just an author needing a little more humor to your story?

Well, I am available for a hundred dollars per hour. Now, within that hour you may get between a 11 by 8 page or perhaps 5 pages of humor per time frame. Oh, and as a plus I want a bag of M and M almonds and a case of beer.

The work cannot be guaranteed though. If not, I you do not have to pay me anything! If nothing registers within the first hour or so, or if your topic is off of my scope of ideas, then nothing is lost to you! So yep, there is no guarantees, but you never know.

Yep. Read through here, and see if you like my humor style. See if it would fit your project. Your whatever.

And, you just never know, maybe I could help your project rise to the occasion.

If you need help, contact me through the comments section in this link. I reititerate though, between a page or 5 per hour. 100 dollars per hour. There are no guarantees, if within the first hour I have nothing. or even midway through …

The leader of the small island of post island at the Paris Climate talks

Abojumbo sat down at the head table at the world climate talks in Paris. He laid down his empty ceremonial whiskey flask, rolled out his worn scroll of papyrus as all the world leaders watched in awe as a few black colored butterflies rolled out. He motioned for the usher for to fill his bottle of whiskey, but the usher just shrugged his shoulders as Abojumbo stared down at his curled up scroll. He began to speak.

"Great leaders of the world. Great energy absorbing sponges of the Nations! It is me, Abojumbo and I have come to proclaim our sudden urgency. Sure, our land has the most house risen on posts in the world! Come and visit us, spend your money, as you will see through our specialty made glass floors a few sharks, and octopuses playing under our home at high tide.... At low tide, we can go out and fetch our supper after a few tuna lay bellied up outside of our coconut trees"

All of the great leaders gasped and sighed at Abojumbos plight... One of them got up and scre…

The guy who had two brains

"While I was on Mars, I realized that there was no outside restroom or play areas out and about the red planet. No dumpsters to collect unwanted trash. No ash trays to squash my super cigar made out of willow bark and recycled tires. This made me believe that I was truly sent up this way for a reason. Not only for my superior looks and brain power, but to make Mars a better place!"

All of the men and women from Genius Ville applauded in hysteria. He then raised his right hand and fluttered it in order to calm down the crowd that was so highly admiring him.

"Well, I took out a few of my luxurious cow bovine gelatin filled cushion relaxation chairs, my carbon fiber umbrella that should last a few thousand years, and then placed my smart TV across two electronic saw horses for a table for visitors to sit down and enjoy the view!"

Someone yelled out of the crowd "Can I be the next visitor to Mars, Braincell?"

Braincell winked at the person in the crowd "…

The guy who had two brains

Everyone in the little town of Genius clambered out of their houses and started hitting their musical triangles.

Braincell was back from his tour of duty on Mars, and he was bringing home lots of gifts from the far away planet for Christmas.

Braincell got up on a center staged podium in the middle of Genius ville. He got up to a microphone, which he grabbed and threw across the stage "Ladies and Gentlemen of Genius ville, I do not need a microphone. I brought home this special rock with a hole in it that I am talking through. It acts like a megaphone without any power source! Yes, I blow through it and it magnifies sound due to its sonic properties! I have allot of it in my super brainwave shuttle, and I will sell it to you for a special price of 20 dollars an ounce!"

Everyone applauded, and cheered, as Braincell continued to talk....

To be continued...  (Part 4 of the Supermarket Guy needs your help! Enlist in the 'Help Supermarket Guy' campaign today and be a real…

Beer caps make great Christmas Presents!

Yes, just like you I was out in the malls spending money like it was going out of style. Buying lots of pots, pans for the ladies and cigars for my pals! That is until I cracked open a few cases of beer one night, and in drinking the last one and sniffing the last cork of that empty brewskie, that it made me finally understand that the answer was right in the palm of the hand that very Dec. 24th Christmas night during Christmas mass. Well that evening I crawled into the house, elated with a headache that only a point of rum would heal. I went to work right away, like Santas little elves.

The beer cap!

The beer cap. I made a set of earrings out of a few Budweiser beer caps!

I then set out to make a few dime holders for my anxious cousins out of them too! A set of Coors beer cap dimeholders! Who would have thought!

Earphones. I sure went to work big time on that one, wiring all of the caps up in HiFi fidelity! A great gift for my non alcoholic friend Blurpatus. Miller beer caps went in…

A beer can can make many gifts!

A beer can. Do it anyway you can. Chrome them up with paint, punch a hole to make a candle holder, or just plain use them as stuffed ear muffs this winter. Be cool. Use a beer can!

Cut off the top of it. With one of those tried and tested true gadgets, the neanderthal can opener.

Use it as a flower pot. A pencil holder. Better yet, cut a smaller hole out of the bottom of it, use it as a beer funnel guzzler.

Beer cans. Send one to your mother in law, empty, of course, cut two small holes in the sides to push a pencil through the flat sides, and wind yarn around it for an hour or two after you are done finishing your other beer. Place a nice message under the yarn, like, 'I love you', or just plain 'remember me in your inheritance', or the famous 'bring a case over when you visit' really gives them great holiday gift ideas.

Beer cans. A message of peace and hope, for all to desire. How about not even bothering with fortune cookies this holiday season. Just write…

Christmas in Violentville!

Christmas was quickly approaching, and everyone was getting ever so more violent in Violentville!

Hatchetsack got out his hatchet, and began cutting down a beautiful grenade cluster tree in his neighbors AK Fortnight Seven's snow covered lawn. He was hoping to cut it down, and let it fall on his neighbors house, as all the grenades were booby trapped to let go. Each were carefully placed so as if a branch so ever did move, it would move a fishing line to release the safety pin. Thereby letting go a cluster of explosions to anyone who dare climb his precious honeydew apple tree.

Hatchetsack hacked, and hacked, at the base of the tree. A hardened warrior from the Persian Gulf, he wanted the grenades to fall on his nemesis's house, to cause him mortal pain. He would then sing Christmas carols and laugh at him from the curb. The apple tree was a tough old hardwood though, and sinking his machete and calling out blasphemes at his neighbor who was loading his rifle in the window to…

MLB signing that free agent! The how to do it yourself backyard project bird house series!

Ralhoumie was furious. The General Manager for the Sawdust Tornado major professional baseball team had lost one of their star pitchers to a rival team.

Ralhoumie fumed "How could this happen. How could this have happened! We offered him free bubble gum, free stadium wide WI FI, and a connection to the main jumbo tron during the game for surfing while playing at the game. Where did we go wrong, Flaggelum?"

Flaggelum who was the assistant to the GM for big moves, spit his chewing tobacco on top of his crystal ball, and began to rub it again and again in ecstasy "My crystal ball was wrong. A storm was indeed brewing in our rivals the Recyclables Tin Hats region, and they just had a few more feathers in their 1 million stuffed pillow to out do us! How can you compete with ostrich feathers, man!"

Ralhoumie shoved a 5 foot stack of papers off his desk and got up red faced. "Who the hell knew he had a fetish for ostrich feathers! My God, I would have bought him one…

My dog sucks at editing.

An editor, and editor. My kingdom for an editor!

My dog cannot edit. She slobbered on the keyboard and nearly got electrocuted from her slobber drippings.

I tried a mime for to edit my book. Ok, sad joke.

How about editors without borders. We have all heard for Doctors without borders. Free work. Yep, I am all for it.

Does not look good. And I am cheap too. Especially when my books do not sell...

For now, Part 4 rests. The clock is clicking... Not ticking. Need a new clock.

Good evening supermarket maniacs!

To this day, I must say, the dilemma facing the production of Part 4 is once again rearing its green moldy head out of the fruit and vegetable supermarket aisle... Money.

Money, to help produce a quality product. With negative cash flows with the other three books, Part 4 so does truly appear to be so much ever so far away from a book or e book production.

I will continue to search in the limited spare time I have for cost efficient ways to produce Part 4, but as it stands of now it cannot be produced. The Canadian Dollar Vs American is 75 cents. Take in exchange rates, what not, it leaves me only to think of trying to produce it hear in Canada. Editing costs range anywhere from 2000 to 850 for a book of 85000 words or plus.

Difficult to get a cheap editor, but will look in my own province for such an option. That is of course, the first hurdle to pass.

I will not say it is over, but it does not look good. The future is indeed gloomy for Part 4. It was sent to a humor production comp…

The Supermarket Guy 5: From the cradle to the legendary fable

It was a balmy day when Harold Wannapus was born. His mother was screaming in constant pain, as the top of his head began to gleam like a pearl in the incandescent lights. They could just see the head pop out a little bit. His father yelled at his wife "50, 40, 30, hut hut.. Come on, pass him to me. I can take him down the 10 yard line, tackle this doctor and these few scrawny nurses and get a touchdown! I know you can do it!"

It was 1979, and at that time you could smoke in the hospitals. "Shut your trap, this is not a football game you are coaching. Same thing with the sex, you thought my breasts were energy drink bottles. Guess they weren't red bull, you certainly fell asleep shortly after a few seconds of cuddling. Give me some oxygen, this pain is unbearable. Get my loser husband out of here!"

One nurse quietly spoke to the high school gym teacher coach, while the other lit up a massive cigar for Harolds mom "Sir, you are making your wife feel very u…

Harold Wannapus Halloween Classic!

He turned off his electric fence that surrounded his house. He took out his dog's Yappies false teeth. He also removed the nuclear warhead from his rocket propelled grenade.

His wife was making her regular batch of candy coated pumpkins for the kids to suck on. He felt safe.

This Halloween, Harold thought, the kids are going to get the best treat ever! In his basket of goodies, he had not only the candy coated pumpkins, but CD's of his latest driving stunts from when driving on his beast in Part 1, 2 and 3 of "The Supermarket Guy: Stunts that sent me to the ER", that would put the great Freddy Krueger to shame!

Other random treats were bottles of prune juice, Rollaids for sore stomachs and anti acid, and bologna fajitas for those long walks going house to house, these kids needed nutrition as he well already known. He decided to wear the costume of his old time nemesis, Jon Acadou. The colored pastel suit and all, down to a tee. Well, it looked so real, it might as …

Part 4 being fine tuned again

Just recently been going though Part 4, and realizing that it did need some second tweaking. I revised the first 10 pages, and will continue to do so for awhile.

Strange how a person can read through it many times, then your mind changes on your direction in some ways in how you lead the character through some scenes. Perhaps something being done or used in too many paragraphs, something that did appear to be silly, but no longer is to you, or perhaps it never was.

The book definitely has strong humor points, but it is the small jabs in between that needs focusing on.

Just by revising it in this second draft, it has grown by a page and a half. More description in the paragraphs, more verbs, adjectives, ect, add for a stronger book and a better flow to it.

Just recently sent 25 pages to a big publisher of humor to the United States. This is just a sample, but our low dollar Canadian may entice me to publish this work in Canada for a change.

I thought publishing in the USA would help t…

How far off am I from printing off this thing?

Part 4. Just have to pull the trigger. Print it off. Send to a publisher. Wait 4 plus or minus months.

Paperback. Amazon, Whatever. There, in peoples hands to check out.

How hard is it?  When you are as busy as yours truly,  still things are at a standstill.

Could not send some information away today to get checked. Still could not do allot of affairs which would get the book closer to print.

Slow. A turtles, crawl. It is all here. Ready to get printed. Ready to be seen by the world.

Will it ever be seen by the world? Do I have time... Time... Once again, stealing my momentum away... Away...

Not sure. Will see what I can do in the next few days. Monday is a holiday, right? Time, not on my side. Time. Some people got lots of it. Me... Nope.

Someday maybe I will be able to talk about this in a more frank nature. Right now, I can't. Time is just, not on my side. I thought things would get better, but... Nope...

Simple things drag me through days at getting things done. Did this ever…

Part 4 is ready to be sent to a publisher and edited!

Part 4 is ready to be sent and to be published.

The biggest book of the fourlogy.  A new word, fourlodgy! Thank me later Websters Dictionary!

I am just waiting to send it through snail mail, to a publisher of my choice. Maybe the original, maybe a new publisher who can do some new wonders with a little bit of free beer and what not.

We will see... As of yet I do not have enough votes on the bottom of the page to publish it.

But, yeah never know. If the right circumstances present itself-  a cheap editing system, but a good product outcome, and the right publishing and publicity system, who knows?

But how do you find it?  Good question, as I continue my journey...

Till next time...

A new poll at the bottom of the page, way past all of the other crap!

Yep. Time to decide whether to produce Part 4 or not.

I got a poll running at the bottom of the page. Notice how I put the yes at the far bottom, making people actually work to give an answer.

This means that, the 'yes', like in all telemarketing conversations that you may have in your entire lifetime, is not at the top of the line of questioning.

When the yes is at the top, it means it maybe more attractive just to answer the yes, at the top, because it maybe the only thing you may remember after becoming bored with the rest of the question.

I even placed the best thing about the question at the end of each answer. So you won't, or shouldn't get bored.

So it is all up to you.

You choose, if I should create Part four or just leave it in my time capsule for to open from my great great grandchildren in 2200.

You decide. This is truly a reality blog.

Till next time.

Part 4 First Draft Completed!

Part 4 of "The Supermarket Guy" is completed. It currently stands at 85 000 words, the longest book that I have ever created.

Now, to decide how to publish it, or not to publish it. We all know humor books is a difficult sell. Seems like you can get humor almost anywhere, and it does not offer anyone anything, like self help books do or non fiction.

The subtitle for this book was always in my mind, and I have not found any other to replace it as of yet. The cover for the book, I will try to draw that out next time, as I have done for the rest of the three books that have been published thus far.

If I do publish this one, and it does not sell, this will definitely be the last of the series for myself. I could not create any more, as the economics do not warrant even the creation of a Part 4 to date.

I would retire, from self publishing, and go into different avenues in life. Try businesses, or different hobbies, or something else.

It would be the end for the expensive art of…

87 % done on Part 4

Part 4 is 87 % complete on its journey through the first draft.

I was thinking, why publish it again. Why go through the trouble. I may just put it in one of those time capsules.

Dig a hole in the back yard, and leave it to be opened in the year 2200.  Why not?

Who cares about how well the book will do today?  How about how it could do in 2200?

A time when, perhaps, we will need some humor and be able to use laser razors, time travel, and probably need to take an old computing device out of the museum in order to view my old work.

Why not. Great idea, I am still working on it... But, need to get to 100 % finished product.

Till next time... Still working, too much, for too little time.

85 % done of Part 4

Part 4 is getting better by the minute. It equals the best book in any of the parts of 1, 2 or 3. I am sure of that.

If you loved any of my work from before, you will definitely be crazy about this one, Part 4 does not disappoint.

Just need the time to finish it. Taking a long, long time. Got no time.

In life, I am beginning to realize what is most important in it.

1. Health

2. Time

3. Money

Ok, I forgot to place family & friends in between health and time, or time and money, of course...

I am severely lacking in the time factor. Just do not have time to do what I want, working 40 hrs a week then doing things for family again.

Time is very important. Lucky are the people who have lots to do their projects, and finish them on time.

Just hope I have the time to finish to produce Part 4, and the drive, ability to get to the production line. I may cop out if things get too hectic.

Till next time.

Part 4 update

Part 4 is now approx 80 % done on the first draft. The text is really flowing well, and the book seems to be coming together incredibly well.

Still having problems finding the time to finish, but the slower the crawl, the better quality will be the outcome.

The other three books are mostly dormant, not much action as of late. I usually pick up a reader ever month, but besides that things are very quiet. Even Part 3 is probably near a year or two old now, so the chances of it getting any more reviews without any contests are next to none. Luckily I had many contests in the past, and got quite a few reviews on Goodreads way back then.

For now, need to hit the sack. Till next time.

Part 4 now 74 % corrected.

Part 4 first draft now 74 % corrected.  It has grown by over 15 or so pages.

This could be a 360 page book or so, or plus.

Hopefully will have time this week to finish.. Wish me luck...

Still a bit busy with some family affairs, getting this tied up...

Till next time.

72 % of Part 4 corrected.

Part 4 is coming along good again today. Had a bit of time to go over another 5 %.

72 % corrected, and many changes, to make the text stronger and better.

This could be a 350 page long book. If I can make it to the finish line.

I will keep chugging along in the next days to weeks ahead.

The Supermarket Guy 4

The Supermarket Guy 4 is now 67 % completed in the first draft.

Only 1 / 3 rd remains to be edited and checked before sending it away to a real deal editor.

I was thinking of producing it by rough copy.

Good idea, or bad? What do you all think?

Why not, have an artists work be seen in the raw, imperfect form, before being corrected by someone else.

Would it be worth more? Less?  Interesting concept. I know we all think it would be worth less, if not edited properly.

Editing does change a few things in the text. Not so much as the thought process, but perhaps the isms here and there that get cut out.

Maybe. I will get it edited, but it is going to take allot more time and effort to get it all done...

Till next time.

Part 4 of The Supermarket Guy

Part 4 of The Supermarket Guy 1 st draft is now 58 % completed. This one does live up to the others in humor content, and will be the largest volume of the series so far.

This is probably due to the problems I have had in finding the time to produce it, with family issues and what not, but on the other hand it led to a slower production of this book, which created probably a Part 4 and a little of another book all in one.

Slower production usually means a better product out of the gate. Better reading. Better humor. Maybe this fall it could be sent to production, which takes 4 months to create from then.

We will see how it all goes. I have been making sure the links to different chapters do stick together well, and that the spell checking is great, and that the grammar is good too.

I had an idea for the front cover. The nemesis playing basketball dressed in his golden suit. Leaping up towards a hoop. He has something round in his hands. It's not a basketball, but a new product of…

50 % of Part 4 corrections 1 st draft completed.

The Supermarket Guy 4 has now 50 % of the main body completed.  This book will surpass the 308 pages of Part 3, easily.

I have been finding some errors in the story, such as where one part does not link up with the other part. This is what happens when writing every so often, while taking long breaks in between. You get lost in what happened several pages ago, and now in the correction stages, I need to continue to keep my mind fresh on what is going on in the text. Too long of a break in between of editing, can mean I will miss some broken links in the main text.  Hopefully I will not be too busy in the coming months ahead.

I am also trying not to correct too many pages in one sitting. I find the results are worse, and I do get fatigued easily, which leads me to rush through the text and make more errors.  I do correct around 5 to 10 pages a day, and that is it.

I project being finished of the corrections in a month or two. After that, I will look for a good editor, and try the leas…

Website asked to be taken down.

My very own SEO cart and website, , was asked to be discontinued the other day.

I was not up to paying for the website, something that did not bring in any traffic, and interest, from the general population.  I rather stay on blogger, than be on that site. But, I see the site is still up, and I do not know why.

This is kind of the start of the unraveling of my book series. I may produce Part 4, which will be the last of the series. Depends on the cost and what not. Editing was always a problem up around my area, as I always had difficulties in finding what I needed to do the job.

I have gone through 40 % of the manuscript, which is the biggest draft that I have ever created. After completing the whole thing, I will look for an editor, and then go see the publisher.

Difficult to justify printing another book that will not even break even with its creation costs. Self publishing is about that, for the majority of us all.

It is addictive to create, and we are nor…

A garden sprouts forth hope

Thundernose immediately backed up and threw his tail of steel, that dog wagging sign of happiness, into the hamster wheel.

The wheel then flew apart in a million pieces, firing outward due to its great centrifugal force. A wheel bearing flew and hit Minolita in the forehead, knocking her unconscious.

The hamster flew to the side of a barn, who began to chirp and become aggressive to Thundernose, the superhero dog, for destroying his only day to day fun activity and aerobic exercise. The super dog just swiped her paw at the hamster at a near speed of light speed, which flung the highly metabolic hamster into a triathlon, where the small animal could probably come in a tight second last against "doughnut ball Jep"

Mattpluck turned around, with a tongue hanging from his lips to his bellybutton. He began to talk with a strange accent "Frigging Dog! Where were u when da hamster started tuning da wheel? How come u did not safe me earlier!"

Thundernose just rolled over a…

Father passes away quietly.

My father just passed away a day ago now.  Reflection and time to mourn is what is consuming my time as of late.

He was part of the "Greatest Generation", the WW 2 veterans that fought for Freedom, Liberty and Peace.

He will be truly missed by all who loved him.

I will not be writing until things and emotions return to normal, but thank you so much for visiting this site every so often.

Father in the hospital.

Sorry that I have been away for so long...

But, my father was admitted to hospital emergency on Friday morning at 2 am. Vomiting was the issue at first, but now with one lung found full of fluid, and when drained filled up full again, things have become a surprising uphill battle for my father.

At 90 plus age, there is not much the hospital will do if it is an operational cure. It "could" be cancer, or COPD heart problems.

We drained the lung once, to see if it would remain drained. It filled up again really quickly, causing doctors to give a very negative prognosis. They said it was not pneumonia, to fill up that quickly again. This was 3 doctors giving a poor outlook on his future outcome, and could live between 3 days to a month, plus or minus.

60 % oxygen was the first value given to me Friday morning. When the lung drained, we achieved 97 % Oxygen. Then, though the weekend, we had a high pulse but 80 to 70 % oxygen.

Monday and Tuesday, I thought death was ringing in. H…

Plant the bumper crop before the tornado hits!

Thundernose, the super dog, was under a heavy, deep sleep. He was dreaming of defeating an invading army of a million and one fleas trying to enter a local SPCA ventilation system, and infecting the whole cat and dog population inside. He was just about to pour some kerosene down the hole and light it up, until he was so arrogantly awakened by Mattpluck.

He twirled Thundernose round and round in the hammock, then shot him across the barn. Thundernose quickly regained his senses on seeing the peak of the barn just below him, and returned his flight to a calm but speedily controlled fashioned. He slammed into Mattpluck, who flew head first into his pet Hamster wheel which was located outside when the weather was nice. His hamster then began spinning the wheel, as Mattplucks tongue was stuck between one of the spokes.

He managed to muffle a few words out "Ma tong is tuck in da friggin wheel, hep befo he tears the f*&* ting off!"

Minolita yelled "Quick, get the sheep s…

Planting a garden requires great skill!

Sure, Mattpluck got on his grandfathers old tractor and began plowing his fields. The earth broke in two, exposing a beautiful, moist but darkened soil. Minolita clapped her hands, and chanted a cheer all the way down the near thousand foot drill. The only thing was, that his pace was nearly that of a snail.

Mattpluck held down on the clutch, and put the brutishly great museum piece at its maximum speed. Black smoke came out of its pipe, and is sputtered and chugged along at a new speed. Mattpluck fell asleep at the wheel. It was no matter, as Minolita still cheered him on. But quietly this time. His head wobbled and bobbled on the overly large steering wheel.

When he woke up from his 3 o'clock regular snooze, he realized he had only travelled 5 feet.

"Dang nag it all! Minolita, quickly! Get near the back of this old tractor, and start pushing like a real lady. We need to plant ourselves some legumes if we are going to save Christmas and the farm all in one, worldwide!"

Mattpluck makes the plea of his life! The Pledge!

The sheriff was just getting into his car now, as he radioed a local crew to put in a new pipe and to cement it in the massive culvert so this would never ever happen again.

Mattpluck ran out of the outhouse, and began yelling at Thundernose, the super dog "Darn it all, Thundernose! You take everything so to heart! I need you to help me build up this farm, but ever since you came here, you have been hauling it apart, rotting board by rotting board! All I ask of you, is to help me make this farm work! That is, until I can purchase that new fancy spring wound alarm clock, in case the local power supply gets knocked out! I cannot afford to sleep like Rip Van Winkle, any longer. We, or I, have to make this work to show the world that I can save grandpas farm from being overtaken by creditors, squatters, and those survival reality show guys! I will not let our thousand acre farm grow into a desert! America has to be fed! Do you understand, Minolita and Thundernose! Do you understand!…

The law can always be persuaded if done respectfully!

Mattpluck got out a bucket from the barn, and began rushing back and forth from the outhouse to the burning house inferno. Toilet paper, water, and clumps of brown stuff splattered on the embers. The blaze became so intense, that finally he threw the bucket in the fire and began to mope on the ground.

He turned teary eyed, and looked at Thundernose with allot of disrespect. He was on his knees now "Of all the girls in Texas, I had to pick the one who was a great cook, but an absent minded one at that! And you, Thundernose, could have flew over the fire and blew it out with your super speed, creating wind gusts to blow it across to set the Sheriffs car on fire! But you just sit there and pretend you are a dog, No more treats for you, you..."

The whining nature of the sad discourse was broken by a high pitched yelp from Thundernose.

Minanola put her hand on his shoulder "I just wanted to say I will stay in the barn with you, way up there in the hay mow, and continue to c…

The Sheriff settles things out with Mattpluck...

The Sheriff then began to reload his colt 45 "I got you surrounded! Come up with your hands up, but please let me unload another six shells into your house! I love firing wildly at things, hell, you just never know what you may hit! Do you guys got prizes in there if I shoot one of your chickens out here that are laying around? A chicken bouillon, maybe?"

Mattpluck got off of the floor and stuck his head straight out of the window "I do not got enough money to fix up this farm, you trigger happy law enforcement worker, probably out here working through a foreign exchange program, or what not! Do not shoot, we are heading out with our hands outspread like the great bald eagle of this here land!"

The Sheriff got up, and dusted off his shirt, and rubbed his belly. He still kept his gun held in  his right hand, ready to shoot "Come on out, you band of pork bellied pen hoarders!"

Mattluck, Minanola, her poodle, then Thundernose came out of the house with rela…

The Sheriff wants an explanation, Mattpluck!

They say living on a farm, in the morning, is one of the most exhilarating awakening to your senses, that you may ever experience in your lifetime. The sound of the rooster crow in the morning, the scent of the fields and the sun rising over a clearing just beyond the wood at its edge there.

And Minonala was cooking bacon covered with shaking bake in the oven, eggs gently being hard boiled in canola oil, with toast being heated by her hair dryer.

The Rooster was crowing, then came a horn tooting, as Mattpluck screamed "Who in the blazes is tooting that horn. Get me my shotgun, Thundernose! I keep it in my Sunday church clothes in case a bad game of bingo goes sour!" Thundernose was sleeping in the room just next to him, but all the doors were open as to create a feeling of openness. He got up from under his bed sheets from his room way up above the two story farm house, and ran downstairs to see Minonala setting the table, His eyes were still half shut, and wobbled to the t…

Thundernose finds two damsels in distress!

The little pink 1980s Lada had crashed into the huge crater, that Thundernose had dug with his super paws in order to get the huge steel pipe out.

Mattpluck asked "Is it an alien ship, Thundernose? Does this mean we may have to set up a Roswell sort of gift booth on this very highway?"

Thundernose ran down, and ripped off the bent passenger side door with his canine teeth "No Mattpluck, but bring one of your Roosters down here! We may get it to do some CPR on these cute but poor driving lovely ladies here!"

Mattpluck began his Rooster call "Buck, buck, buckock!"  Thundernose then barked "It is ok, they are alive. As he pulled a lady out of the large 50 foot deep crater in the middle of nowhere, but yet on a US interstate highway. She grabbed his tail, as he hauled her out to level ground again. Then, a small white poodle ran up to the side of the young lady as well.

Mattpluck rushed down to see if he could offer help to the lady "Do you need a …

A major tourist attraction now made in town!

Thundernose dug during the wee hours of the night, and did not stop until the culvert was all unearthed. He started at 2 am, and was finished the 30 dia by 70 foot long pipe by 3 am. He then used his teeth, grabbed into the corrugated metal tube, and drug it over near Mattplucks grandfathers farm house.

The wonder dog then stood up the new metal silo on one of its circular ends, as it now was taking shape of a grain silo. Mattpluck nailed in several boards into its side, creating a long chain of a crude ladder leading to the top.  He then spread fir branches over the top, creating a sort of rain barrier against any mild storms.

"That should be good enough for now, Thundernose! Thanks for your great help! Now we can get back into the business of making money and farming again!"

Both dog and man cringed at the sound of brakes and a loud thud. Someone had just driven into the large crater that Thundernose had just created, to unearth Mattplucks new silo.

"Who would be stu…

Thundernose digs out a major culvert on a major US highway!

Mattpluck looked as Thundernose dug a 6 foot deep grave, where the welcome sign to the town of Wooselville once stood. The super dog then drug in grandpa, and began to kick dirt with his back paws over the sun burned body. Mattplucks grandpa always drove the tractor with his falsies out and just wearing his Bonanza belt and buckle. Only a few passerbys would ever stop and take photos at him, anyways...

Matpluck dried up his saliva from his mouth, after watching the old man finally go under to his resting place. "I guess I got the farm now, Thundernose! I sure need a fantastic dog to herd my sheep into the shearing barn, push the pigs into the bacon slicing hut, and to milk a cow or two!"

Thundernose then drug the welcome sign over the earth he had just tore up "Yeah, that sounds like a fantastic job! I hear you got allot of cats in your barn, I sure love feeding them a good bowl of coco puffs and live piranha fish in their fun bowls!"

Mattpluck then looked over at…

Thundernose can smell trouble...

Grandpa was still driving around in circles until Mattpluck got up and realized that Thundernose had saved him. He hugged the dog, and petted him a great deal. Now, this was the thousandth time that Grandpa drove around in the same circular fashion.

Thundernose then seen the slow moving tractor pass by by the thousandth and one time, until he got up and drug Grandpa off of the slow moving machine to safety, to finally realize he was dead....

Mattpluck who was now in tears, looked Thundernose into the eyes, and said "Thundernose, how did you know that Grandpa was dead. I know he was not waving to me for the thousandth and one time, but usually that is quite normal. He looked focused for once in his life on his job of expanding his field into the paved # 1 USA highway that passes by here near our house! That darn plough in the back looks like it is stuck in a culvert pipe crossing main and pig street. Can you dig it up for us, fella? Can ya?"

Thundernose.. A new kind of superhero!

Sure, Thundernose was not your average, tail wagging, beer drinking, bad rear end with tight leather suit comic book hero kind of person.

Not Benji. Not Lassie. Not Snoopi who always (on top of the house) probably secretly rented out the dog house on Charlie Brown for many dark reasons that we will never prescribe to.

Thundernose was a prodigy of a relationship between a miniature Chihauhau and a German police dog. A family split between sizes of dog bowls, soft squeaky toys, and poop scoop bags, their relationship did not last long.

Leaving poor Thundernose alone to fend for himself ( his mother was a road runner, and his father took a keen interest in chasing cars), left him with a keen scent of street instinct...

Then, he met his master Mattpluck, who was only 15 years old, being bullied by a few young chicks at the corner of barnyard and manure fields..

Thundernose could smell the chicks, ever so advancing towards poor Mattpluck, pushing him unknowingly off of the fancy gravel, dusty s…

Justice done easy!

Sure, detective Wookinsum Ratcat was up to his old tricks... Framing innocent people for crimes that they did not commit..

This time, it was an elderly lady who just happened to stumble on a dead corpse... Androk Mudhead... Who just happened to have a Rambo knife in his back... Who just happened to have a half devoured Chicken McNugget in his mouth... Who just happened to be wandering out on the big city streets with his manly leopard print thong and muddied over gum rubber boots, manufactured from some child labored sweat shop from somewhere overseas...

Sure, Detective Ratcat seen a suspicious character with a poster of "First Blood" in his hands... But he was running pretty fast... Even though he dropped the empty box of salted nuggets near his feet... Tarzan music played on his boom box, sure, but... And this man had on a sheep shirt as well... Oh well... 

The real criminal looked fast, young, and as if he could shoulder press a few hundred sacks of chicken feathers over his…

Part IV nearly lost a few weeks ago...

A baby running around the house can take allot of your time away. Terrible twos, they say, and do they sure ever like to climb. Have to try to watch them like hawks, tie everything down, lock up the chemicals, put the scissors up high, way high, so they cannot get into any trouble.

Well, the little guy found my hard drive. And, he sure damaged the only thing holding Part 4 all together, as I whimpered at the thought that I may have lost the whole 300 or so page book... I looked at the back of the hard drive, and a piece was missing. I shook it gently, and could here a took, took... What was broken?

I then turned it upside down as I held out my other hand palm up. The connection for the cable broke off, and fell into my hand. But what else could be wrong with the drive...

I shook my head, but I smiled at my little boy. Not his fault. I should have put the drive high, somewhere where he could not reach it. I then thought, how will I ever rewrite 300 pages of this book? How could I ever…

Rise from the Ashes.

Was contacted today by people who cared about the three books.  They would not end the series, and wanted it to continue for another year. I will not reveal who saved it, but they are great Americans!

They truly saved it, and for their push, perhaps Part 4 will be created.

A last minute ditch effort, so to speak, as I was ready to give up the ship.

Like Captain Kirk, when the dear old Enterprise was left staggering in "The Wrath of Khan", they blew it up while the enemy got on board, to live again to fight another day. 

Maybe if I get some time, Part 4 may breath life again... Just need some time...

The End of "The Supermarket Guy"

It is finally the end. The new access market fee has brought me down to zero. I will not be renewing it for the fees, to keep on Barnes, Amazon, and the other sites that so choose to want a payment for these services.

My books will not be available for print either.

Part 4 is doomed, but finished on my hard drive here.

Just family problems, bad luck, and no time, has cost me so much.

What I would tell those who do have the very "Rare" copies of my book, that they may be worth allot someday, in an antiquarian world.

This site may come down in the near future too... I declare defeat in my attempt at the book world.

Thank you all for following me..

When your parents get old

When your parents get old, you start to worry. Can they do their own things in the house? Do they need support? Can they get along safely in their home?

Being the son of two elderly parents, I could see my father having more and more difficulty in getting around, doing his normal routine of chores. My mother as well got around with a walker, having mobility issues, and her strength in her arms and hands had faded away in the past 14 years or so.

This was wearing heavy on my heart, and in my soul.

Your parents are your rock, that is, if they were good to you when raising you. Advice, support, and comfort. Stories and conversations about things, new and old. Things that I would surely miss, if they were not there all of a sudden.

Now, my dad is in the hospital. I do not believe he will be well enough to come  home. My mom, well, she has mobility issues. My personal life, family life here, is too busy for me to bring her into my own place. I wish I could, but the reality is she may hav…

Part 4 not even reviewed yet.

A very disappointing start to January. I was very sick for the last few weeks, and had absolutely no time to review Part 4 of the series.

It is beginning to look like fate, and perhaps that Part 4 will never see the light of day. As of lately, I had no energy, no desire to finish the fourth, heavy duty installment of the series. A lack of interest from the general public, lack of sales, has definitely given me little recourse to finalize the book.

In reality, it is a difficult situation, to deal with the cost of production without having results from the last 3 books. The past results do weight heavy on my innermost thoughts, and a sinking feeling has caught up with even producing the near finished book.

I was thinking of just releasing it freely on the internet. Why not? Maybe it would actually get some traction, and help to sell the first three parts. Thing is, when people did give me glowing reviews of Part 3, it did little to convince them to go ahead to read Part 1 or Part 2.  …

Part 4 completed.

Just an update, as Part 4 is now complete. Just the rough drafts to go through, and hopefully by the end of January I will have a good copy. It is around the same length as Part 3.

Till next time...