Frostie the Chickmagnet

Frosty the snowman, was having a great time Christmas Eve with all of the Elves. He was dancing with them, doing the limbo. He actually won the limbo contest, and given his height dimensions, it made the male Elves mightily jealous. The female Elves began to dance in a circle around the holly jolly snowman...

Jornie nudged Prosto, "Look how Wankoda's eyes gleam with happiness, when she peers at Frosty the snowbag! Doesn't it just make you sick, Prosto?"  Prosto finished down his last drink of moonshine eggnog, and slammed the empty glass down at the bar. "Go get me a 5000 watt electric heater. I will throw so much heat on that snow bag, that he will flush away like a rainstorm!".  Jornie took Prosto by the arm before he could head to the barn for the heat lamp "No, Prosto. He has that magic hat on his head. If he sees you coming, he may put you in an awful deep freeze of a snowstorm. You better have another drink and think of a much better plan".

Frosty was doing the square dance, the break dance, and finally the ballet dance with Wankoda. This made Prosto have another drink.

"I got a great plan, Jornie. I will go get that 3000 psi pressure bottle of helium for the balloons. We will lay it sideways, and you knock off the valve with the hammer. I will rocked by ole black eyes, and take the hat off of his head so fast, that he will never see me coming!". Jornie smiled, "Yep, great plan. I may suck a bit of helium in my lungs as well, as to make my voice more attractive to the ladies".

Prosto rolled the heavy helium bottle into place across the room from the dancing crowd. Jornie then opened up the valve a small bit, and sucked in some helium. He began to talk in a low, weird voice. "Ok, Prosto. Get on top of this baby, and I will smash the valve right off of her!".  Prosto got on the helium bottle, and Jornie smashed the valve right off of the high pressure gas tank. Prosto flew by ole Frosty like a missile, and all of a sudden he was without a hat on the top of his head.

Prosto and the missile smashed through the side wall of the dance hall, as he landed on the other side of the North Pole. Jornie and some other drunken Elves began to laugh at Prostos figure outlining the smashed wall. Frosty lay frozen in time. His carrot was missing from his nose. The Elve ladies began to weep and cry, and left the party. Jornie began to dance in the middle of the floor, in an effort to try to woo them back "Come back, ladies.. It is me, Jornie the disco king! Let's continue the party!". He staggered and wavered back and forth.  To no avail, the ladies did not come back. Ole Frosty lay still, lifeless, on the middle of the dance hall floor. He was beginning to melt, a little bit.

Prosto dug himself out of the huge snowbank he just drilled into with his helium balloon. He put Frostys hat on himself. He then noticed he felt magical. He could fly back to the dance hall, where he met Wankoda outside on the street. She was in tears. Prosto then made a magical rose out of ice crystals, and gave it to Wankoda. She hit Prosto over the head with it "You ruined our most beautiful time!" She hauled out Frosties nose and began chewing on it "We were just having a little fun, and you had to go ruin it all on us. Shame on you, Prosto the Elf. I never want to ever, see you again!".  Prosto then made a a necklace out of ice, but she ran into her ice shack.

Prosto then ran into the hall to try to undo his actions. He seen Jornie spray some food coloring over the bottom of Frosty. One Elf knocked over his head, which smashed into smaller snow balls on the floor. Some Elves were throwing snow balls from his middle torso at each other, and then the branches for his arms were being used for booger pickers.  Prosto yelled "Stop what you are doing, especially you, Jornie!". He flew around them in a mad rage, kicking them all to the ground. Jornie sot up "Have you lost your mind, Prosto. Look how powerful you are now! Why try to save him? He is done, look at him. He is melting away even more and more, as we speak. You can do anything now, and someday Wankoda will realize this too!"

Prosto smiled, as he then realized the intense power he now held in his hands "Yes, I declare myself king of the Elves. You will all do my bidding now. Forget working for that old bat, Santy Clause!". All could here the jingle jingle in the cold, near silent air. Santa Clause was coming back from his present delivery. Immediately Prosto flew up to challenge his only foe to his means.

Santa Clause could see Prosto flying up next to him. "Santa, time for you to retire and become my butler. I could use a butler, and the reindeer would become my transportation for my very own Rolls Royce sleigh". Santa gave out a Ho, Ho, No, and then slammed the reins down on his reindeer. He took off at lightening speed, as Prosto gave chase with his super flying powers he had now possessed.

Of course, Santa being used to flying in these parts, headed him towards a mountain range. In the blizzard conditions that now existed, Santa flew towards the mountain which was well hid. Prosto did as well, only slamming into the mountain side. The hat fell from Prostos head, as Santa swerved around from the train tunnel he most intelligently knew where was located from his GPS. He swerved down to catch the hat, and placed it in a bag.

He yelled at Prosto "It is only a 5 minute walk home, Prosto. Ho ho ho!". Prosto slid down the mountain side and landed into a heap of snow, extending his hand out to Santa, while flipping him the bird.

Prosto arrived in the village all wet, cold, bruised, and tired. Santa met him on the street "Prosto, why did you destroy my good friend Frosty? What did he ever do to you? Do you not feel bad over what you did?". Prosto sighed and replied "Santa, I am very sorry for what I did. I was jealous of Frosties dancing skills, but I know he could never out drink me. I am very sorry, and I wish he could come back. I used to like it when he would get my floor wet on his visits to my home, and I would walk in his mess with my satin socks... I sure miss that feeling".

So all of the Elves got together, and built a snow man. They put in the eyes, the arms, and the nose made from a cucumber this time... Since all of the grocery stores were closed on Christmas Eve... It was the only think they could find... Then Santa placed the hat on Frosty.. And the magic of Christmas appeared again...

Then, Frosty took a big running tackle at Prosto and gave him a boot that caused him to fly into a snow bank again... And the Elves began to laugh...

Merry Christmas!!!

(Never suck on a helium bottle, it could cause serious injury) Note: The real popular Frosty created by Jack Rollins and Steve Nelson, 1950.

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