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Da Bus Patrol tinks der Tough, Part 5!

Louieti and Sparkum kept shoving their chicken feculence loaded pistols in the face of the middle grade students, as they patiently awaited for the crossing of the longest, undefended, peaceful border the world has ever know.

The Canadian and USA border.

During the dark evening hours of the bus ride, Sparkum would shine LED lights towards Vioputi's and Philieneittis heads, to show off the lime green colors of their heads from the paint cans they forcefully shoved their heads into.  Some kids would laugh, oddly enough, but their faces were hidden into the darkness.

The Bus just crossed the international border line from Washington state to British Columbia, and the female bus driver began to panick "We are entering Canada! I hope they do not put us in their nuclear mines, to mine uranium with a pick ax and toothbrush for the rest of our lives!"

Sparkum yelled at the bus driver, who was just about to stop at the Canada Customs Border check point "You got falsies in your mouth, anyways! What do you care if you get a little plutonium between the crack of your butt, when mining?"  Louieti yelled, "Quick, to the front of the bus. Give her our pack sack with our special gift in it. As soon as those stupid Border guards open the flap, kaplowie!".

The bus stopped, and the woman bus driver opened the doors to allow for the Canadian Border Crossing agent to climb on board. The Canadian Agent yelled "Got any liquor to declare! Any genetically modified peanut butter! I am allergic to peanut butter!"

Sparkum tossed the bag to the Canadian Agent, "Glad you caught us. In that there bag, is a genetically modified salted cod. It is resistant to chewing! Check it out and tell your prom minister!"

The Canadian Border Agent yelled "Aha" and ran into his crossing booth to disclose this top secret information to all of his friends. He unwrapped the pack sack. A boom could be heard. Chicken feculence splattered all over the place. The checkout window turned brown. The Canadians yelled inside, and ran outside gagging and coughing on their knees.

Sparkum closed the door "Continue on our voyage to see the Ice Monkeys, female bus driver!"

The border security notified the RCMP, but they did not get much description of the whereabouts of the bus from the security team at the boarder.

The bus drove for miles and miles, until reaching the North West territories. Outside of the windows, Sparkum and Louieti toted their chicken manure filled pistols, and kept asking the kids when looking out of each side of the windows "Was that an Ice Monkey?  Did you see the Ice Monkey! Damn it, tell us when you see a friggin Ice Monkey!"

They made it up to Iqaluit, by floating on an iceberg over from Nunavut. When landing in Iqaluit, Sparkum and Louieti realized the gig was up. They sighed, as they walked outside of the bus. Their pistols were froze solid, and had now more bargaining power.

"Damn it. I thought Uncle Framtio was not lying, when he said he captured 50 Ice Monkeys in Canada!", said Sparkum, nearly in tears now.

Louiete threw his pistol in the snow "Darn it all! He lied to us. I did not see an Ice Monkey for all the few thousand miles we traveled in this frozen, solid, land! I am sure my brain is frozen right now!"

Finally, the RCMP showed up on their husky sleighs. All of the children, the brave bus lady driver, and Louie and Sparkum was taken back to the USA via a cheap coach bus tour, left over from a Guns N Roses concert.

When all of them arrived in their USA hometown in Texas, the state patrol put the cuffs on Louieti and Sparkum. Vioputi and Philienietti spit at them both. Ronaldio was there as a big hero, hugging his green headed sweetheart.

Sparkum spoke up to the press "Listen, this was not was meant what it was supposed to be... We wanted to take the kids to see the Ice Monkeys in Canada, but we soon found out they were extinct by global warming!"  Louieti added "But, we found a skeleton of one, but we had to leave it behind as we were running low on gasoline!"

Sparkum hit Louieti on the arm "We only wanted to give our classmates, peers, an extensive tour of Canada and to prove we could do it on the cheap, during these tough, restraint times!"

The governor, who was watching the two young men, grabbed a microphone "I can assure you, Louieti and Sparkum, that your budget cutting measures have not gone unnoticed.. And that we will not let you rot in prison, one little day in your lives.. You are free go go, as long as you learn your lesson!"

Sparkum yelled, "Friggin right, next time we head to Mexico!". 


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