He picked up his state of the art 1 mm thick glass phone with neon blue soft lit buttons "Ouch... Ouch! Harold Wannapus, how did you get my number. It is unlisted in the phone book and is upmost secret!"
Harold scratched his forehead "I found your phone number in a womens washroom at boob zone, the newest plastic surgery outlet for women who have money and are looking for a big sugar daddy like yourself! Just like you, I mistakenly took the massive boobs for a set of nuts way up there on the door, and charged in to the chagrin of a few over ballooning women!"
Acadou slammed his fist on his powder pad. A massive cloud of dust erupted, causing him to cough "Damn you Harold Wannapus! Will you ever stop your madness and imagery of mindless lies!" He looked up at his beautiful bosomed woman who was waxing his nose hairs "Please, more powder on my forehead, please!"
Harold shook his head "Listen, soon an army of a few thousand men will surround your palace. But first, I wanted to tell you about my incredible new years resolution! I will no longer be the most fashionable man in the world anymore. I give up my antique 1600's ruff collar wear so you can be # 1 once again in the fashion world! Nooo longer do I want my pictures shared on social media under the most shared 'dog cone' of the year fashion winner!"
Acadou snarled "That ruff, that beautiful Queen Elizabethian like Ruff you wore! Stole my thunder yes, but you could not drink a brain freezing slushie without a super long straw! You know, what is my New Years resolution. It will surely top yours, and my impregnable troops are ready to put down any instigating police or military that come my way!"
Harold threw down his ruff in disgust "Acadou! There is no way your New Years Resolution can be greater than mine!"
Acadou dipped his hand in some duck grease. He ran his hands through his slick, greasy hair "Yes, my New Years resolution is much more painful and grandeur than yours! I will give up plucking my nose hairs for a year, and let them grow until I become like Rapunzel! I will start a new following, nose braiding 101 and write a book about it ( just like the Supermarket Guy stupid author), nose hair blowing out over my convertible sports cars trunk, while women scream at me in wild love! Just imagine my nose hairs getting so long, that they can be used as whisky holders for two bottles as I squeeze tight two women with my free hands!"
Harold sighed and realized he could not out do Acadou "Alright, Acadou. Low blow. You know I do not have any nose hairs, and any body hair on my face... All I can tell you, if I see you with those low hanging nose hairs coming around my way, I will toss them into a turbo flusher toilet and send you out to the local sewer sanatation unit where they will put enough chemical into you to bleach you like a white albino polar bear"
Acadou paused and hung up the phone. "A white albino polar bear? Edmund, find me one of those!"
***Read the Supermarket Guy to catch up on the action.. You know the 4 books...