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Showing posts from May, 2015

Planting a garden requires great skill!

Sure, Mattpluck got on his grandfathers old tractor and began plowing his fields. The earth broke in two, exposing a beautiful, moist but darkened soil. Minolita clapped her hands, and chanted a cheer all the way down the near thousand foot drill. The only thing was, that his pace was nearly that of a snail.

Mattpluck held down on the clutch, and put the brutishly great museum piece at its maximum speed. Black smoke came out of its pipe, and is sputtered and chugged along at a new speed. Mattpluck fell asleep at the wheel. It was no matter, as Minolita still cheered him on. But quietly this time. His head wobbled and bobbled on the overly large steering wheel.

When he woke up from his 3 o'clock regular snooze, he realized he had only travelled 5 feet.

"Dang nag it all! Minolita, quickly! Get near the back of this old tractor, and start pushing like a real lady. We need to plant ourselves some legumes if we are going to save Christmas and the farm all in one, worldwide!"

Mattpluck makes the plea of his life! The Pledge!

The sheriff was just getting into his car now, as he radioed a local crew to put in a new pipe and to cement it in the massive culvert so this would never ever happen again.

Mattpluck ran out of the outhouse, and began yelling at Thundernose, the super dog "Darn it all, Thundernose! You take everything so to heart! I need you to help me build up this farm, but ever since you came here, you have been hauling it apart, rotting board by rotting board! All I ask of you, is to help me make this farm work! That is, until I can purchase that new fancy spring wound alarm clock, in case the local power supply gets knocked out! I cannot afford to sleep like Rip Van Winkle, any longer. We, or I, have to make this work to show the world that I can save grandpas farm from being overtaken by creditors, squatters, and those survival reality show guys! I will not let our thousand acre farm grow into a desert! America has to be fed! Do you understand, Minolita and Thundernose! Do you understand!…

The law can always be persuaded if done respectfully!

Mattpluck got out a bucket from the barn, and began rushing back and forth from the outhouse to the burning house inferno. Toilet paper, water, and clumps of brown stuff splattered on the embers. The blaze became so intense, that finally he threw the bucket in the fire and began to mope on the ground.

He turned teary eyed, and looked at Thundernose with allot of disrespect. He was on his knees now "Of all the girls in Texas, I had to pick the one who was a great cook, but an absent minded one at that! And you, Thundernose, could have flew over the fire and blew it out with your super speed, creating wind gusts to blow it across to set the Sheriffs car on fire! But you just sit there and pretend you are a dog, No more treats for you, you..."

The whining nature of the sad discourse was broken by a high pitched yelp from Thundernose.

Minanola put her hand on his shoulder "I just wanted to say I will stay in the barn with you, way up there in the hay mow, and continue to c…

The Sheriff settles things out with Mattpluck...

The Sheriff then began to reload his colt 45 "I got you surrounded! Come up with your hands up, but please let me unload another six shells into your house! I love firing wildly at things, hell, you just never know what you may hit! Do you guys got prizes in there if I shoot one of your chickens out here that are laying around? A chicken bouillon, maybe?"

Mattpluck got off of the floor and stuck his head straight out of the window "I do not got enough money to fix up this farm, you trigger happy law enforcement worker, probably out here working through a foreign exchange program, or what not! Do not shoot, we are heading out with our hands outspread like the great bald eagle of this here land!"

The Sheriff got up, and dusted off his shirt, and rubbed his belly. He still kept his gun held in  his right hand, ready to shoot "Come on out, you band of pork bellied pen hoarders!"

Mattluck, Minanola, her poodle, then Thundernose came out of the house with rela…

The Sheriff wants an explanation, Mattpluck!

They say living on a farm, in the morning, is one of the most exhilarating awakening to your senses, that you may ever experience in your lifetime. The sound of the rooster crow in the morning, the scent of the fields and the sun rising over a clearing just beyond the wood at its edge there.

And Minonala was cooking bacon covered with shaking bake in the oven, eggs gently being hard boiled in canola oil, with toast being heated by her hair dryer.

The Rooster was crowing, then came a horn tooting, as Mattpluck screamed "Who in the blazes is tooting that horn. Get me my shotgun, Thundernose! I keep it in my Sunday church clothes in case a bad game of bingo goes sour!" Thundernose was sleeping in the room just next to him, but all the doors were open as to create a feeling of openness. He got up from under his bed sheets from his room way up above the two story farm house, and ran downstairs to see Minonala setting the table, His eyes were still half shut, and wobbled to the t…

Thundernose finds two damsels in distress!

The little pink 1980s Lada had crashed into the huge crater, that Thundernose had dug with his super paws in order to get the huge steel pipe out.

Mattpluck asked "Is it an alien ship, Thundernose? Does this mean we may have to set up a Roswell sort of gift booth on this very highway?"

Thundernose ran down, and ripped off the bent passenger side door with his canine teeth "No Mattpluck, but bring one of your Roosters down here! We may get it to do some CPR on these cute but poor driving lovely ladies here!"

Mattpluck began his Rooster call "Buck, buck, buckock!"  Thundernose then barked "It is ok, they are alive. As he pulled a lady out of the large 50 foot deep crater in the middle of nowhere, but yet on a US interstate highway. She grabbed his tail, as he hauled her out to level ground again. Then, a small white poodle ran up to the side of the young lady as well.

Mattpluck rushed down to see if he could offer help to the lady "Do you need a …

A major tourist attraction now made in town!

Thundernose dug during the wee hours of the night, and did not stop until the culvert was all unearthed. He started at 2 am, and was finished the 30 dia by 70 foot long pipe by 3 am. He then used his teeth, grabbed into the corrugated metal tube, and drug it over near Mattplucks grandfathers farm house.

The wonder dog then stood up the new metal silo on one of its circular ends, as it now was taking shape of a grain silo. Mattpluck nailed in several boards into its side, creating a long chain of a crude ladder leading to the top.  He then spread fir branches over the top, creating a sort of rain barrier against any mild storms.

"That should be good enough for now, Thundernose! Thanks for your great help! Now we can get back into the business of making money and farming again!"

Both dog and man cringed at the sound of brakes and a loud thud. Someone had just driven into the large crater that Thundernose had just created, to unearth Mattplucks new silo.

"Who would be stu…

Thundernose digs out a major culvert on a major US highway!

Mattpluck looked as Thundernose dug a 6 foot deep grave, where the welcome sign to the town of Wooselville once stood. The super dog then drug in grandpa, and began to kick dirt with his back paws over the sun burned body. Mattplucks grandpa always drove the tractor with his falsies out and just wearing his Bonanza belt and buckle. Only a few passerbys would ever stop and take photos at him, anyways...

Matpluck dried up his saliva from his mouth, after watching the old man finally go under to his resting place. "I guess I got the farm now, Thundernose! I sure need a fantastic dog to herd my sheep into the shearing barn, push the pigs into the bacon slicing hut, and to milk a cow or two!"

Thundernose then drug the welcome sign over the earth he had just tore up "Yeah, that sounds like a fantastic job! I hear you got allot of cats in your barn, I sure love feeding them a good bowl of coco puffs and live piranha fish in their fun bowls!"

Mattpluck then looked over at…

Thundernose can smell trouble...

Grandpa was still driving around in circles until Mattpluck got up and realized that Thundernose had saved him. He hugged the dog, and petted him a great deal. Now, this was the thousandth time that Grandpa drove around in the same circular fashion.

Thundernose then seen the slow moving tractor pass by by the thousandth and one time, until he got up and drug Grandpa off of the slow moving machine to safety, to finally realize he was dead....

Mattpluck who was now in tears, looked Thundernose into the eyes, and said "Thundernose, how did you know that Grandpa was dead. I know he was not waving to me for the thousandth and one time, but usually that is quite normal. He looked focused for once in his life on his job of expanding his field into the paved # 1 USA highway that passes by here near our house! That darn plough in the back looks like it is stuck in a culvert pipe crossing main and pig street. Can you dig it up for us, fella? Can ya?"