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Showing posts from March, 2014

Steel Heart: High Tech Warrior of the 1300s- The kinda reckoning but not really realizing it until the time passes

Hoodie helped put on Steel Heart's new metal armor with ceramic heat resistant coating. He gave him his 50 foot long sword, the sheath, and his miniature yet deadly shoulder mounted catapult. He was now ready for war with the Dragon!

He mounted his reliable, steady steed with his new armaments. The horse only made a few steps, in the main castle hall, but collapsed due to the heavy weight of the new equipment. The townsfolk laughed, as King Paladium whispered to his wife "He surely will not win against this Dragon. The best I can hope for, is for him to die. Then I will send my armies in to slay the village, and then the peasants of the nearby village. They are not fashionable like we are, you know"  He then raised his arms "Good luck, Steel Heart, on slaying the dragon", as he watched him gather his stuff, and began to walk slowly towards the castles drawbridge.

Steel Heart panted heavy, and sweat began to bead from his forehead "I do this only for glory…

Steel Heart: High Tech Warrior from the 1300s.. Continuation of the true but kinda fake story.

Paladamius yelled "Weapons master! Take Steel Heart down into our top secret weapons dungeon. But do not reveal to him too much of our top secret, skull crushing, futuristic weapons... Remember, he could be our enemy someday!"  Steel heart could see an old man, dressed in chain mail with a brown cloak and hood over his head.

"Great, I have to get my weapons made by someone wearing a hoodie? And what about my weapon patents?" As Steel heart walked down a maze of stairs with the hooded man "Tell you what, I will destroy the one dimensional drafts on papyrus paper after you tell me them.. Promise"

Steel Heart got down to a weapons making cellar, where he was incredibly impressed.. But not overly. There, were large balistas that could shoot 5 foot arrows from miles away. A man trap, in the same design of a mouse trap, only where the cheese goes, a piece of gold lay.  He rushed to cover that one with a long blanket, as it was top secret. Then there stood a ne…

Steel Heart: High Tech warrior from the 1300s.

King Pladamius, in his little feudal town of France, was getting worried. His peasants were complaining of several attacks from a Dragon, and were so infuriated, that they were beginning to protest by not paying their taxes. King Pladamius decided to call on a true hero, to save his kingdom and save his reputation as being a cruel but decisive problem solver. He called non other, than Steel Heart into his court at his castle one day!

Steel Heart walked into the court, smiling at the lovely lady Pataguin. Pataguin sighed, and began fanning herself intensely as the heat of the mid summers day sweltered the huge, stone, opened court. King Pladamius grunted at his wife, Pataguin, as she then took a stern look at Steel Heart.

"Steel Heart. You who have saved millions from starving. Who has brought down the evil tyrant, Pulgie Winkle the Third. You who had stopped the English invaders by catapulting a new age food over to their shores, forcing the starving lot of them to head back for…

Friend wants a cat story... Ok... "The cry of the fearful meow!"

Puddles the cat, was a beautiful orange European cat. She loved her scratch pad, loved her mouse toys, and loved her daily morsel of specialty whale blubber from Alaska.  She was definitely, a high class feline to be adored and praised. Her hair had a luxurious milky silky feeling in texture, her eyes glimmered a sterling silver in the moonlight, and her meow was that of an Opera mezzo soprano from the halls of audio beauty.

Then, to Puddles dismay, her owners had a baby. The baby was getting bigger, and bigger in size. Soon, poor Puddles sometimes was forgotten about. No more playing with silky stockings with her master, Blookadun the Third. No more chasing her Corithian leather bouncy ball, with Mrs. Blookadun, as now she was busy changing diapers... The worst of it,  Puddles had no more fresh kitty litter mixed with the beautiful sand of California... She meowed, scratched her pad, violently at night, as her masters would shoo away the forgotten about cat...

The baby was now 3 yea…

Plastic in Bread?

Just what are we eating these days... Here is a CNN report on plastics in bread, by Elizabeth Landau..

http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/06/health/subway-bread-chemical/

The article goes on to describe about azodicarbonamide, used in the breads of several fast food restaurants, bakeries, and other seemingly "healthy" places to eat too.  This was a surprise to me, as I always thought the holy grail to eating good, was eating a good, wholesome, slice of bread.

At our house, we do buy somewhat of an organic and non organic mixture of food. The costs of organic is high, thus probably limiting peoples purchasing of organics all the time. Non GMO, organic, has definitely become the choice of food at our home. But, we know we cannot avoid this all of the time. We just do not know enough about the labeling (Food is made to taste good, not necessarily good for us), and probably contains allot of additives and preservatives, that will leave you scratching your head on the long names and sci…

Shorty award?

http://shortyawards.com/

The shorty awards are here again! Someone just automatically nominated me there!  Check it out, even if you do not nominate yours truly ;)

Part 4- The Supermarket Guy- Fury ___________ Gods... Delayed...

Part 4-  The Supermarket Guy-  Fury ____________  Gods....  Delayed... Until book sales pick up.. Which they never may pick up.

Part 4 should have been rolling by now,  but due to lack of sales,  the book probably will face certain death. Harold Wannapus was going to be taking on another old adversary,  yet a new, untapped threat to the world that perhaps was never used to this extent...  Perhaps from the Gods?

With over a million self publishing books released every year, it is difficult for any book, even good, to break into the best selling ranks... I did not understand, or realize, that it would be that hard.  And did not understand the tremendous amount of work required to push a book into the limelight.  I knew it was a slight, if narrow opening for a chance to succeed, but am happy that I took that chance. The books in my view, are amazing, and the hero is someone that I wish we had here today. Void of any personal knowledge of the sinister side of life, until it actually conf…

My first follower from a University of Philosophy!

Today, I had my first follower from a University of Philosophy! I wondered if he truly did catch on to the message provided in the books behind the humor?  The preface in my books definitely provides the main themes of the books, and the lines in between the giggles, if you read them correctly, provide a sort of hidden message on what we as a people maybe going in the wrong or right direction in certain affairs, or the books may truly spark a debate on the issues in the book.

This is why it is hard to comprehend how I got two 1 on 5 star ratings for my books. Out of 29 ratings, the rest were good ratings. The 1 on 5 ratings were just one short sentence, and it leaves me dubious to as perhaps they never read the book at all. That the ratings could have been placed there just to ruin my popularity of my books...  But, maybe they are true too... I respect them just the same, as every author should, but it does leave room to think about them.

A follower from a University of Philosophy! W…

Plantpro the expert car seller!

Two car dealerships stood head to head, across from each other, trying to make massive sales numbers for the end of the year.

The "It starts?" car company had their star seller, Plantpro.  He sold 10 thousand vehicles per month, even big numbers for actually selling their lemons on hand.  The "It starts?" car manager came to see his star seller. He had heard that the competing car store just across the street, was close to breaking their record year just by one sale.

He could hear them chuckling, laughing, and providing rude gestures from across the street at the other "It moves?"  car dealership.

Shadey talked to his top salesperson, Plantpro "Plantpro. You have been my stellar seller for the past 30 years! Number one, in all categories.. Even in selling our old car shop, to moving here. It was a great decision to move right in front of the old # 1 competitor... Now they are # 2, until this moment right here.. Just maybe... I hear we are in a tie, …

Turtle powerful guy struts his stuff, very slowly, yet efficiently!

Turtle man slowly entered the large, wide open, HVAC repair facility. Several tables strewn across the long hall with miscellaneous HVAC units all tore apart on top of them... And a big sack of money, and jewels on the farthest one down.. Next to where the hardened HVACian criminals, their hearts frozen into ice, perhaps due to a malfunctioning HVAC unit, stood ready to pounce on our turtle hero!

Honko put a cutting torch on a large pot of boiling water, on top of a metal stand "Turtle soup, boys, turtle soup! Long time since we had a turtle soup! Soup of the elite, so they say. I guess we are elite crooks!"

Jezzeble laughed "Is he going to kill us, just by us waiting for him to come to us. We could be 90 years old by then, by the time he gets to us!"  As Jezzeble began cutting up carrots, onions, and potatoes to put in the pot on a large cutting board next to Honko.

Rofandi yelled, as he put a magazine clip into the M-50 high caliber machine gun "Turtle man,…

Turtle man will slowly, but wisely, save the day.

"So, stop being so demeaning, about talking about the rabbits and all that stuff. You know I got a heated rivalry with them. Just give me the bloody video footage of the robbery!", as the turtle brushed the front of his green scared belly. It was from being washed up on the rocks in intense storms, in saving baby gulls that got thrown down in the storms.

Brisbalt waved at his officer to bring over the recordings. There, both man and superhero viewed the footage. "Ok, thanks, I know who did it. I will get back to you, Brisbalt!"

Brisbalt held the slow moving turtles hand for a minute "Wait a minute. How do you know who did this crime, that fast? Give me the information, Turtle man! Do not try to steal the glory from us city smart cops!"

Turtle man snapped his jaw at Brisbalt, who rapidly put his hand back into his pocket "My jaws can cut through 2 inch steel cable. Never touch my arm again!"

It took Turtle man a good half hour to exit the buildi…

The slowest superhero that ever saved earth! Turtle man!

Honko, Rofandi, and Jezzeble smashed the glass doors at the First Bank of Bankruptcy's doors. They all entered in with masks, and got everyone to raise their hands.

"Ok, listen everybody, no one will get shot.. Just act and think you are in a Zumba class! Keep moving, your hands up, and keep moving your legs up and down", said Honko as he waved his gun across the section of 20 or so bankrupted people who he forced to the side of the bank near the loan desk.
Rofandi yelled as he approached the main teller desk, and threw a bag at her which covered her head. She was in a sheer panic "Fill that bag full of bank notes, right now, lady!"
Nervously, Shedeila opened up filing cabinets and began to fill the bag with banking papers and what not. Immediately Rofandi shot the clock up high that hung over the vault, very close to where Shedeila was emptying out her cabinets.
"No, not real bank paper business notes of 8 by 11! We mean cash, and valuables. Fill the bag…

What? Penguin Man has to save the world? Why can't he just twiddle his thumbs?

Part 3

Paulifios then picked up a weary Janito, and waddled at a super fast speed to the shore. There, he dropped Janito on a huge slab of washed up ice, that was lunged on the shore by violent torrents. He was lost, but somehow felt confident. His new powers also gave him a new pysch of fearlessness.

Clouds quickly hid the sun setting over the horizon, as Paulifio could not see any ships nearby with his super penguin vision. Janito fell asleep, as all of the action she observed today overwhelmed her state of indifference. Then, a penguin surfaced from the cold frigid waters, and jumped on a broken sheet of ice in the middle of the cove. Paulifio began to waddle a few feet back from the shore to safety.

"Paulifio! There is a reason why you got those super penguin powers! You need to save the world from a new threat. A threat never seen before from human kind. What will happen when all the homes in the USA, Europe, and Canada when the good people are unable to enter their homes t…

Will get back to Penguin Man, but, for now, just a little spiel on the book news...

Recently just recieved a 4 on 5 star rating and review,  and another 5 star on 5 star review just the other day.

This pushes Part 3 with an average star rating of 4.2 stars on 5,  from Goodreads readers, so far...

Thanks to the readers, and try to remember to never drink beer while driving your shopping cart in between the aisles of pineapple pork and sugar glazed donut... That is where the bad cops and wannabee police pimps hang out! Maybe out there somewhere at the Bargain Way, in a land not so far away, a cart driving inspector with a badge, a guy named Dilley- may haul you over to frisk you for your booze.. And confiscate it... Try to play spin the bottle with you... Run, run as far as your legs will take you! Hide behind Harold Wannapus, The Supermarket Guy! He will save you, as Dilley will not pour the booze out, not on the floor through a small little drain... He will just slug it down in the warehouse in a successful attempt to warp his brain...


The Superhero who must take on the Evil Penguino!

Pauliofio continued to waddle towards the Antarctic observatory, as his peers looked on through a porthole kind of window.

"He has icicles on his..." Igoraniov placed his hands over Janitio's mouth "Do not say it.. You are not a poet, Janito. He is running naked to the door! Quick, get a stretcher and some hot cocoa. Get the medic!".

Franzionit, the janitor screamed "Medic? We have no medic here, we only have a first aid kit fully stalked with a chain saw and a bottle of vodka!"

The door opened, as Pauliofio placed his hands over his privates to hide them. He yelled "If this is a dream, I want to wake up now! Quick, get me some clothes!"

Janito ran to the closet, and put a long, white lab coat over him. She pushed him down on a seat, that was close to the entrance way. Igoraniov, the head weird scientist, looked at Pauliofio, and he touched his skin. Took his temperature, and realized his life signs were totally normal. Except for one thing…

Another Superhero to save the masses from eternal doom!

Sure, you heard of Batman, Catwoman and Spiderman...  How about another pet hero... Why not Penguin Man!

Penguin man, is the story of a ecological scientist who flew to Antarctica and got lost in a blinding blizzard miles away from his outpost, who were studying how to make ice huts in the Sahara desert, in an effort to try to make travel across it much easier.

Pauliofa Zelioger, had found the answer, by adding an intense thermal photon energy shield around the ice blocks, the ice houses could be used even in the hottest temperatures in the world... But could he have found the answer too late.. As his bodies temperature was dropping into an intense state of deep, cold, frigid, sleep..

Then, suddenly he looked towards the setting sun.. Was he having a snow mirage, or was it just the snowflakes creating a central blurred object right in the sunlit path towards his sight... Suddenly, the object got closer, as he yelled for joy!  "Quick, get me a blanket, a propane touch, or how abo…