Bossiettie no longer produces milk for Christmas!
Jep cried at his old grandpa "But Grandpa, Bossiettie is my favorite cow. I feed her every morning, and she seems to corral the rest in the barn after a mid afternoons graze! Please do not shoot her between the eyes!". Grandpa laughed, as they both headed towards towards the barns exit now "No, my boy. Maybe I will run her over with my tractor! Maybe a plane will fall from the sky and land on her head? But I promise you one thing, it will be fast, and it will be over for ole Bossiettie!". Bossiettie let out a big moo. It was almost as if she could her them talking about her future, right before her. It was only then Jep hit his grandpa on the arm, and ran into the house.
His grandpa sighed, and then shoved his hand under his chin at Bossiettie. "You old dried up tootie. After this Christmas, T bone steak, and cow tongue to make some meat pies!". Bossiettie yelped out a groanful moo!
Grandpa walked into the family farmhouse. There, grandma folded her arms as she rocked back and forth while knitting some cow tit warmers for the cattle. It was cold out on the plains, in December. She had the Christmas spirit flowing in her soul. She yelped at her husband "How dare you scare Jep like that. Telling him his old Bossiettie is good for the meat grinder! How cold, and callous you are, Mr. Jottie". Grandpa sat down at the table, and poured himself a cup of coffee "Do you want your grandson to grow up being a woose! I think not! He has to be strong, tough, and be able to kick some snot out of the world! I tell you what. After Christmas, that old Bossiette is going to disappear, just like that. She is taking too much feed, and just producing nothing but allot of manure for me to shovel". Grandma threw down her teat warmer in a furious rage "Damn you Grandpa Jottie! I will go up and tell him that she got a job as a senator, grazing and eating off of the fat of this great land!". Grandpa threw his coffee in the sink "Yeah, a senator! You really want to make him sad, just tell him that!"
Davietio, Jeps brother, came over to sit with grandpa at his table. He laughed "When are you going to finally shoot that old heifer, Bossiette? I want to learn how to shoot your Ak-47 real soon, grandpa!". "Whoa there, boy. You are only 16 years old... Just who the hell do you think you are... I think I will let you finish off ole Bossiette with my ole and trusty, lethal, rear hole bomb. You just get in there behind her, place a specially finished high grade plastic explosive bomb up her bum. Light the fuse, then run for the hills. Watch that old cow explode inside out... Nothing left, but the front sides for eating". Davietto smiled "Your old special homeland defense video training has finally come in handy, Grandpa! You can make a bomb now?". Grandpa smiled "Yes, this will be a good practice run for us. That is why I am getting you to plant the bomb. Because I know a cow cannot kick as hard as a horse. It will be a special moment for us. Filet mignon for us, but do not tell your whimpy younger brother or grandma, for peats sake!".
It was Christmas day, and all of the Jotties were out at the holiday hockey game in the minus 30 C weather. Davietio was playing with his team, the "chicken gizzards", against the city slickers team of the "I hunt at a grocery store" team. There was lots of action, as Jep, Grandpa, and the whole country side gathered to hope for a clear, decisive win.
Jep cheered from the side lines, as the cattle shivered along the fence just along side of the ice rink that lied hard rock frozen across the field. During the last minute of play, the game was tied at 3 goals each. Davietio huddled with his team. "At this faceoff, guys, no matter who gets the puck, pass it towards me. I will shoot high and beat this lucky goaltender while Roppie drops his pants on the right wing. It will distract him, and allow us to score the final glory point. Remember, we lost this great game the past 10 years in a row. If we lose this time, when we go back to school, we will always be considered as guys with straw up their cracks of their pants!".
Davietto got to the faceoff center in the opposing teams zone. The puck dropped. The puck went behind to the Chicken Gizzards defenseman. Roppie dropped his pants too early. The crowd booed. Davietto got the puck. He shot, but it deflected off of the glove of the goaltender. The goaltender laughed in haughtiness. Roppie pulled up his pants and shrugged "Did not work, Davietto. But we still got 20 seconds left on the clock!". The referee went out to look for the puck in the great mounds of snow.
He came back, frustrated "No puck to be found. And that is the last puck we had.. If I cannot find a puck in the next little while, this game will be considered a win for 'my food comes magically to me in a styrofoam package' team. I think if you guys lost the puck, you should lose the game too!". The farmers team started to cry, and wail out in incredible disgust. Davietto yelped "Someone must have a puck out there! Please! Not 11 straight wins in a row for the 'food comes from the food fairy' team".
Suddenly, Jep had a great idea. He ran towards Bossiettio, and tugged on her cowbell. "Girl, lay out a nice, well formed cow paddie. Concentrate hard ~ You can do it!" Bossiettio looked at the other cows, and she belched out a high pitched moo that broke the dense, cold air. A cow paddie flew out from her rear end, and slid across the ice, in the shape of a perfectly rounded - you guessed it- hockey puck!
Davietto placed his pad against the cow paddie. It was solid, and he could not cut through it. He smiled at the cow who had just laid the golden puck, and smiled "Ok ref, we got a puck right here, right now. Lets get her done!" With one tweak of his hockey blade, he threw the puck up in the refs hand.
The puck dropped at the face off zone inside the opposing teams zone. This time Roppie, who had taken the faceoff, pushed the puck over to a one timer that will be remembered for the end of time. Davietto put everything into that shot he had, and it went past the city slickers goaltender, right into the net... With only a second left in the game.
The chicken gizzards threw their gloves into the air. Huge celebrations, cow bells rang throughout the village for miles around! Finally the "food comes to us by magic carpet" city clickers had been beaten... Davieto went out to hug Jep, and Grandpa clapped his hands. Jep shouted out to everyone "Just wanted to say, this game would not have ended, good or bad, without the help of old Bossiettio, who is slated for the sausage making factory!".
Grandpa shed a tear from his left eye, and smiled at his old milker "No, she is not slated for anything. It is Christmas, after all. I will promote her to cow herding duties, and forever more she will be given access to some strange science to try to get her to give birth to just not one calf, but to 6 at a time! Experimental science is the key to our farmers radical success!" Old Bossietto came over to the crowd, after she was patted by many of a follower, and charged old grandpa, causing him to fly into a few bails of hay.
Grandpa got up, and ran into the family house. The crowd of people were frantically petting the now famous cow. Davietto and Jep hugged old Bossietto, as Jep looked up to her and said "Bossietto, girl, looks like you will be on the cover of the monthly farmers one page flyer this year". She was, the Christmas cow that saved the prestigious holiday game.