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Showing posts from December, 2013

Wrecking Ball New Years Eve Party!

Hockla was having her usual home wrecking, home smashing New Years Eve party. Of course, your typical high society mobsters, elite bank explosive experts, and government tax people were there too.

Hockla started to walk down the stairway in her much revealing evening gown. Then she hopped on the railing, and slid all the way down into the ballroom area. Just at the end of the railway, Mocha Moolah, the Detroit Gangster was waiting to catch her in his arms. "My, Hockla, you look deliciously ravenous tonight! How about a dance, just before the ball drops!"

Rickito, the tax man, abruptly bumped into Mocha, and screamed "Hockla, dear, you said you would save the last dance for your real man, right here. Remember the fantasy I gave you last night... I was your teddy and you were my off shore tax stuffed toy manufacturing haven in Bangladesh".

Hockla pushed Mocha away and got a little distance from all of the adoring criminal elements "I have some distressing news.…

The CSI New Years stew!

It was 4 pm New Years Eve afternoon. Ropitie and Scando was thinking of the old New Years Eve celebrations of past, and remember the wonderful turkey, chicken, or sea urchin stews they used to have just before the ball dropped.

Ropities wife, Randipi, forgot to buy a chicken to put in their New Years Eve Chicken stew this year. This caused Ropitie to whine and complain for hours on end, until his son, Scando thought of a plan to be put in place to save his family from not having their traditional New Years Eve meal.

"The neighbors hens lay eggs ever morning. I hear that friggin rooster yelling her mating call every morning, reminding me of how unlucky I am on those internet dating sites.. I say we catch that Rooster, and put her in the pot. Fill it up with tasty vegetables and kelp. A tasty, salty, stew for our family for this huge celebration we will be having tonight".

Ropitie yelled "They will never miss that old Rooster! Those old hens need a break from his grovell…

New Years Eve with Glantion and Gang!

Oh, they were having a frolic of a time with Glantion and the gang!  It was an hour before New Years, and in many places balloons and confetti would stream from the ceilings of the mass halls throughout the land... Only in Cucumberville, would a huge stream of luke warm bacon fat pour from out of a huge balloon, to be busted just a few seconds before midnight.. With the precise shot from an archers bow.. That precious midnight fantasy of kissing someone, while drenched in bacon fat, was still a thing of virginity for some...

Dlunkin looked at Pootie. Pootie was over to the side, drinking her usual chocolate milk and vodka concoction. A marsh mellow floated on top. Her straw would sometimes hit the marsh mellow, but she would not notice... She was so drunk, that she sucked on the dry, bitter fluid stopping fluff for most of the night. Dlunkin wanted to kiss Pootie at the moment the bacon fat drenched her tight, fitting shirt!

Jorobomo was Dlunkin's rival. He loved Pootie, so much …

Merry Christmas to all my fans and readers!

Merry Christmas to all my fans and readers on this blog. With over 13000 hits, is a number that I thought I would never achieve.

Thanks for those who picked up my book, who gave it a look! Thanks for those who shared this Blog, and made a visit every now and then.

Sometimes when away, or working my real job, it took me away much from the work on here.

I went in different directions, talking about the book process, talking about life and its real world situations that apply to everybody, poetry, pictures, some dry stuff, cartoons, and now some insane stories... Much like what you would find in my 3 books...

All of these changes were made to try to spark your interest, and to keep you coming in for a visit. The New Year will determine what is next...

Merry Christmas to all!

Super Flake, the Christmas Super hero!

Oh, there was allot of problems this Christmas Eve!  Santas Sleigh had a busted ski, and one of his reindeers was constipated badly. Not only that, a poor man at the corner of the street had no where to sleep this holiday, and Jopplero the 5 year old had no snow for Christmas in Brazil!

No worry, Super Flake, the holiday super hero, was out flying around in each and every direction.

First, he flew close to Santas Sleigh. He was flying his sleigh over the world, just about getting ready to deliver the gifts to all the boys and girls.  "Santa", he yelled, "Do not fret, your new ski will be just as good as new as soon as I fix it!" Santa yelled back, while flying through an electrical storm "Super Flake, how are you going to fix my broken ski at this altitude? Did you bring with yourself some sort of magical tool of sorts?" Super Flake soared under the broken ski, "This is not fixable, Santa. But I truly know what to do" He ripped of the one ski, …

The famous Christmas Ski Doo festival!

The famous Ski Doo festival was on in Doperville, which was their mainstay holiday and travel touristic event. There, many competitors would come into town, to race through a trail that was rugged, laden with booby traps, and sharp turns around the mountains, which meant death for many a competitor.

This year, the famous Purple Bologna eater was revving up his Ski doo, for all to see. He had metal studs sticking out of his track for the best traction on the icy roads. He laughed at the other competitors. His pole position was # 1, as he was the number one leader in this years ski doo racing ranks. He pulled up with his mighty fast, and light, two stroke machine. It roared, as the massive crowd of 5 people roared.

Then, a small time villager rolled up with his old Elan ski doo. It was a one cylinder, 1970s vintage. He revved it up as he was in the back of the pack. It let out a mild "pack". The # 2 pole position driver, with his shiny chromed up machine, laughed hysterically…

Dad cuts his Christmas tree on the crown lands!

It was the week before Christmas. Dad was taking his son Tootlio, through the evergreen forest. There, he would find the most beautiful Christmas tree for his family to partake in the decorating of it. Finally, Tootlio was old enough to read signs. There stood a sign in the forest "No cutting on crown lands without a permit". His dad laughed "Son, the government cut the forest rangers. There is no threat of being caught. Besides, your dad is too fast for any old Ranger".  Tootlio used to watch "Texas Ranger" on television, and upon reading the sign he became mightily fearful. "Dad, we should just buy one. Or put up a plastic one. You never know where a Ranger could be hiding!".

For sometimes it is not the Ranger to be scared of, but over jealous neighbors. Houfhton the overseer was walking up in the thick, dense evergreens. He could see Tootlios dad cut into the Christmas tree. He then took a picture, and sent it via his Cellphone to the ranger…

Lodgio has a bigger present than mine for Christmas!

It was the night before Christmas. Rufutio was dancing around the Christmas tree, shaking his big rectangular box, that was at least 4 by 5 by 6 in dimensions. Lodgio, Rufutios older brother laughed "Looks like you got a bigger present than I got, Rufutio. You may actually have won this year, in having the biggest present ever! I know mom and dad love me more, but you just never know how it may go this time around".  Rufutio gently placed his gift back under the Christmas tree "I am going to sleep right here next to it, Lodgio. You are not going to peek at my present, and secretly unwrap them, and place rocks in the boxes, like you did in years gone by!"

Lodgio stretched his arms, and shook his present before going to bed "I am going to place extra scotch tape around mine, so you will not fiddle with my presents from Mom and Dad!".  Lodgio began taping his presents round and round, until the wrappings began to take form of a translucent covering. Rufuti…

Rankio has no Christmas card to give me?

It was just a few days before Christmas. It was the last day before the kids went off home to be with their parents for the Holiday Season. Militie the most beautiful grade 4 student in the whole class, was receiving all of her Christmas cards from the kids. She was the most popular kid, after all, and the line lasted for a few hundred feet. Even some grade 5 students, and a few grade 6, waited anxiously in line to give her their card that would garner the best, and win the Christmas kiss on the Cheek event!

Rankio stood up in the far end of the line. He was always last at everything he done. No matter what task he tried to accomplish, it was as if he had a dark cloud over him. Last at floor hockey, math, and even at eating his lunch with his apple sandwiches... Packott looked at Rankio "Here is my Card, Rankio. What do you think?"

Packots card had beautiful white, glistening sparkles, a few snow fences, and of course a Santa Clause leading his sleigh with reindeer jumping …

Jocko may not make it home for Christmas...

It was the night before Christmas.. Little Klantus was playing with his electronic train set. The train whirred and whistled around the track, its lights gleaming and whistle tooting as it traveled around in a circular motion. Klantus looked up at his mom "Is Jocko coming home for Christmas, mom? I sure miss his messing with my toys. Smashing stuff, breaking my newly wrapped presents. I sure miss him!"  Mom laughed at Kantus, who was only 8 years old now, but was super smart "Oh, your older brothers train got snow stuck somewhere in the mountains. I am sure they will dig them out, and he will be here on time to break some more of your brand new Christmas toys. He is a somewhat of a meat head, but we love him anways!"

Dad laughed "I hope that old train does not make it out for a week. It will be sure quiet, with Jocko away for the holidays". Mom slapped her husbands arm, and smiled at his joking demeanor.

Meanwhile, on the train that was stuck between two…

Another 4 on 5 star rating and review for "The Supermarket Guy" today!

The reviews are slow coming... But, it is another 4 on 5 rating for Part 1 of the series. The most successful book out of the 3 volumes, so far.

Part 1 has only Garnered 1 - 3 on 5 review so far, out of 7 reviews on total. I am thankful this book did very well, and it only reinforces the point that it is a really great, easy, interesting and fun read.

Besides that, my Part 3 came back again with the same error. This will be the third time at correcting an insertion I wanted in the book. This is very frustrating for yours truly, and I nearly blew my top the other night when it come back, not corrected, as I would have wanted. But, we all need second chances in life.. Alright, some of us need 3 chances or more.. I will wait another 2 weeks to see if it will be corrected...  My patience is wearing thin, as it should have been corrected a month ago.

Just call me the bearer of bad luck...

Till next time..

Canada post announces a 1 $ stamp and the elimination of house to house service.

Canada's Post hiking of the regular postage stamp of 1 $ a stamp on envelopes, was a little drastic news today. I did expect them cancelling the door to door service, as for the help them eliminate jobs. This may be in the ball park figure of 6000 jobs...

Here is the CBC link :  http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/canada-post-changes-mean-8-000-fewer-jobs-1.2459776

While living in the rurals, I had no door to door service at any rate. I had to go to a community mailbox, which is what now the rest of the country ( the cities) will have to do. This will result in the downsizing of 6000 jobs, resulting in 6000 less people paying into their pension plans. This will be an enormous kick to the pants, and the union (dues), and the Canadian City economies.

While I can understand the community mailbox thing ( my parents are seniors and have to get their mail by a community mailbox),  the senior citizen problem is one that is overlooked in the rural areas anyways. Seniors are usually always fo…

Bossiettie no longer produces milk for Christmas!

It was a few days before Christmas. Farmer Jottie was finishing up milking his 100 herd of cow, when Jotties grandson came up to him. "Grandpa Jottie, how come you did not milk ole Bossiettie? Does not she have a huge sack of milk between her hind legs too?  I bet she can hold a few gallons or more!".  Grandpa Jottie got up, and rubbed his coveralls with slime and cow pooh over them that was hanging on his hands for the last few hours of milking. "Jep, ole Bossiettie is not longer a milking cow. She is too old. I think we are going to have to lead her to the slaughter house, for some tough t bone and leather tasting hamburgers!".

Jep cried at his old grandpa "But Grandpa, Bossiettie is my favorite cow. I feed her every morning, and she seems to corral the rest in the barn after a mid afternoons graze! Please do not shoot her between the eyes!".  Grandpa laughed, as they both headed towards towards the barns exit now "No, my boy. Maybe I will run her…

The old geezer that lived up Christmas street.

The old geezer was coming home from his normal day walk every morning he had taken in the cold snow. The kids who played along the streets ran up to him, and began to grab for his hands. "Beat it, kids. Scram, I got no time for yeahs all!".  The kids would back off, and a few would pelt some snow balls at him. Some of them hit him in the back. He then would bend over and start making them himself, yelling "Take this, and that. You ignorant little brats".  There was one little boy, who would not throw the snow balls at the old geezer. He yelled for them to stop, as they were losing the snowball battle against the old man.
The old geezer was rich, from the money he made in selling his specially crafted ear wax art. Some statues of his ear wax monuments, sat in specially sealed glass encasement areas, for life. He was currently working on his Santa Clause ear wax statue, which would resemble the real deal in every way. In opening the door, he could see his ear wax st…

Frostie the Chickmagnet

Frosty the snowman, was having a great time Christmas Eve with all of the Elves. He was dancing with them, doing the limbo. He actually won the limbo contest, and given his height dimensions, it made the male Elves mightily jealous. The female Elves began to dance in a circle around the holly jolly snowman...

Jornie nudged Prosto, "Look how Wankoda's eyes gleam with happiness, when she peers at Frosty the snowbag! Doesn't it just make you sick, Prosto?"  Prosto finished down his last drink of moonshine eggnog, and slammed the empty glass down at the bar. "Go get me a 5000 watt electric heater. I will throw so much heat on that snow bag, that he will flush away like a rainstorm!".  Jornie took Prosto by the arm before he could head to the barn for the heat lamp "No, Prosto. He has that magic hat on his head. If he sees you coming, he may put you in an awful deep freeze of a snowstorm. You better have another drink and think of a much better plan".

Once upon a drunken reindeer.

Once upon a time, there was a moonshine still just a snowballs throw away from Santas workshop. Jornie the Elf, would sneak away at night to produce the magical liquid, in order to produce much cheer once Santa was away riding in his sleigh.

The facility was deep within a glacier, and it chugged out much liquor for the hard working Elves, during many times for parties in the summer months and what not. Now, there was an Elf named Prosto who had become quite addicted to the purest of pure holiday cheer.  The day before Christmas, he followed Jornies tracks to his moonshine still. White smoke plumes came out of the warm chimney, as the jolly good stuff was cooled into a high efficiency bottling line.  The room was overfilled with the holiday spirits, as jugs littered the place from corner to corner.

Jornie had his back turned towards the entrance to his ice pad, when slowly Prosto reached for a jug of moonshine that sat on a raised table that had an illuminated glow from the warm heart…

Stayed at the world renowned Burj Al Arab in Dubai last weekend!

I was glad to take up the invitation of a friend, to stay at the world renowned Burj Al Arab in Dubai last weekend. You could smell the salt water in the air, the beautiful ocean beckoned at the dawns brightest sunset. There was plenty to do there, but I came for the skiing, and the beaches. I enjoyed their indoor ski resort the most, with the chair lift, and the excellent groomed slopes. I even tried out their bobsleigh, which in itself was a huge thrill of a lifetime!

We went out to eat at some fabulous restaurants. The Nobu, the Al Mahari, and the underwater restaurant there, the famous Al Jareb, where beautiful aquariums surrounded us in charm. After eating all of those marvelous Arab dishes, I then decided to go relax in a breathtaking Asswan Spa and Health Club, to get all of those knots out of my tight muscles...

Now, do not get me wrong. I love their food, it is very exquisite, and rich to the taste. But after a few days there, I had a craving for some Dixie Lee chicken... My…